So after watching this T.D. Jakes clip I began to wonder how we as individuals choose our friends. Even though I feel some people use the word “friend” a little too loosely for my taste, I found myself agreeing with every word the good reverend had to say. For those of you who haven't had the chance to review this clip yet, here’s some cliff notes to help you get the gist of his message.
Basically he broke down the three different types of people in our lives. We have the confidants, the constitutes and the comrades. Now each person has their own title along with their own definition to compliment. A confidant is usually rare and hard to come by. You share with them your inner most feelings, dreams, secrets and ambitions. Literally, no conversation is considered hold bars. They’re also the ones who knows the true you and are not afraid to call you out when it seems as though you are acting out of character. Yes, these are the ones God brings specifically in our lives to last not a season, but a lifetime.
Next we have the constitutes. These are the people you have to watch your back from. These people, like Jakes explains, are the type of people who are not invested into you, but rather what you stand for. (Meaning, the representation you present to the rest of the world versus the true character you possess.) These sneaky yet clever individuals are what we call today haters. They will smile in your face while all along conspire ways to steal the very gifts and or/visions that set you apart from everyone else. You remember from the last post, your “IT Factor“, your “Special Thing” only you can do best! With these type of people around we can only consider them bandwagon groupies. Because when the next best thing comes in town best believe they will be out of you life in a quick second and as Jay-Z likes to put it "on to the next........…”
Then lastly we have the comrades. These people are neither for or against you. They are simply in your life for a designated time to help you fulfill a purpose or plan. They could care less about what or who you stand for and their sole purpose in your life is to fight a bigger obstacle together only then proceeding with both of you guys regularly scheduled program. Needless to say this relationship is obviously seasonal that may or may not come with pleasant encounters. But nevertheless, you should appreciate them for what they are and bare no hurt feelings towards their ways.
So naturally, I let my inquisitive mind wonder and began contemplating over this topic. After I started pondering, I began to question if we as individuals could identify these types of people in our own lives. Can you tell the difference between the friend who is genuinely a confidant cheering you on and honestly wanting the best for your life. Or are you stuck on the constitutes who merely despise you behind the scenes and could quite frankly steal your special talent and perpetrate it as if it is their own.... Maybe you are safely relying on associates such as the comrades who are simply coexisting with you because they have to and not because they want to.
Either way each individual is vital to the long term journey that God has laid out for us. You cannot make it in this world without experiencing one, if not all, of these type of relationships! They serve a larger purpose in the long run. If you didn't have your confidant you wouldn't have an outlet to share your deepest and most sincere thoughts with. And as far as your constitutes go, like my girl Kandi from Real Housewives of Atlanta would say "let your haters be your motivators!!!!" Use them to your advantage just like they are attempting to use you. That way you can use them as ego boosters to help you stay sassy and confident while moving through the turmoil and triumphs that they maybe creating in your life. As for the comrades, realize what this kind of relationship is and take it for what it’s truly worth. This saves you much time and heartache when they make a grand exist out of your life. They were seasonal and you'll have plenty more encounters like that for years to come.
The fact of the matter is, you have to be leery of those you choose to share your dreams and/or life with. God has given us the gift of discernment, however I feel most of us lack the time or energy to fully excise it. When you do, it not only saves you a lot of time, but it also teaches you to be patient and recognize each type of person that comes into your life. When you are able to recognize them you are more equipped to act accordingly.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Are You Wasting Your Talents?
I was recently told that I shouldn’t let my talents go to waste. Yeah, I guess this is true. The fact of the matter is, many of us let the precious gifts that God gives us go to waste on a continual basis. It’s as though we are directly spitting in the face of God rejecting the very gifts that makes us special and set apart from everyone else in the first place. Harsh? Maybe. But it’s true nonetheless.
What are you called to do that you know no one else on this earth can do better than you? For me, I was given the wonderful gift of gab and being able to write. Aaaaahhhhh, I can already sense the eye rolls and blank stares many of you are giving me as we speak. Some of you are thinking, great you don’t know how to shut up and you can put words together in a sentence, GOOD FOR YOU (uninterested voice) :-/ !!! But even with your sarcastic wit, trust it is not as easy as it sounds…
For one, when I speak and/or write I do it to relieve much unwanted stress and tension from my life. Two, I do it in an effort to inspire others. And three, I write until I completely get my point across. Hell, have the time I’d rather write someone a letter rather then talk to them face to face. It definitely comes in handy if lets say I had to deal with a nasty breakup, quitting a job or even cleverly telling someone off leaving them demystified as to whether they should be flattered or insulted lol. Terrible I know, but still funny to say the least!!!
Yes, having a big vocabulary and knack for putting words together has gotten me through much boring school assignments and even getting my first internship at the Chicago Tribune. It’s my thing, my mojo, it’s what God gave me in order to serve His purpose and NOT my own. And hopefully His purpose could have me becoming the next Oprah Winfrey, smiling on the cover of Essence magazine, enjoying my family and riches laying on the Virgin Islands with a handsome pool boy named Winston serving me Pink Moscato to my heart’s content :-) (I‘m just saying lol)!!!
Either way I challenge you to think about what is your special talent? Really think long and hard about it. Everyone has something that’s special from the rest of their peers. What could you do with your time that would fill a certain void in your heart or even inspire someone else to do the same? If it’s singing, sing! If its dancing, dance! If its helping others, by all means help! Lord knows we all should be doing more of that last one anyway! But no matter what you do make sure you give it your all, not wasting any of it even in the slightest measure. It’s what makes you, you :-) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Like always stay blessed, beautiful and divinely favored!
What are you called to do that you know no one else on this earth can do better than you? For me, I was given the wonderful gift of gab and being able to write. Aaaaahhhhh, I can already sense the eye rolls and blank stares many of you are giving me as we speak. Some of you are thinking, great you don’t know how to shut up and you can put words together in a sentence, GOOD FOR YOU (uninterested voice) :-/ !!! But even with your sarcastic wit, trust it is not as easy as it sounds…
For one, when I speak and/or write I do it to relieve much unwanted stress and tension from my life. Two, I do it in an effort to inspire others. And three, I write until I completely get my point across. Hell, have the time I’d rather write someone a letter rather then talk to them face to face. It definitely comes in handy if lets say I had to deal with a nasty breakup, quitting a job or even cleverly telling someone off leaving them demystified as to whether they should be flattered or insulted lol. Terrible I know, but still funny to say the least!!!
Yes, having a big vocabulary and knack for putting words together has gotten me through much boring school assignments and even getting my first internship at the Chicago Tribune. It’s my thing, my mojo, it’s what God gave me in order to serve His purpose and NOT my own. And hopefully His purpose could have me becoming the next Oprah Winfrey, smiling on the cover of Essence magazine, enjoying my family and riches laying on the Virgin Islands with a handsome pool boy named Winston serving me Pink Moscato to my heart’s content :-) (I‘m just saying lol)!!!
Either way I challenge you to think about what is your special talent? Really think long and hard about it. Everyone has something that’s special from the rest of their peers. What could you do with your time that would fill a certain void in your heart or even inspire someone else to do the same? If it’s singing, sing! If its dancing, dance! If its helping others, by all means help! Lord knows we all should be doing more of that last one anyway! But no matter what you do make sure you give it your all, not wasting any of it even in the slightest measure. It’s what makes you, you :-) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Like always stay blessed, beautiful and divinely favored!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Can You Handle an Open Relationship?
In this forever changing society we live in today, the lines have become quite murky in terms of what a traditional relationship should look like. We have the couple that goes through their just dating phase. Then we have the couple that finally takes their relationship to the next level and made their relationship exclusive to just one another. But now in this new day and age, we have the couple that has decided to change the rules of engagement all together and make their relationship an open one.
Now many of you may ask what exactly does it mean to have an open relationship. Truth be told, I’m still trying to figure this out myself. You see, having an open relationship can be so drastically different when it comes to various couples. There are some that say they are exclusive to each other, but can have sexual encounters with other people. Then there are others that that say they are sexually exclusive to one another, but can have other relationships with those that can satisfy their emotional appetite. With so many different rules, models and even specific etiquette styles that comes with having such relationships, the average quote unquote “normal couple” can get confused just by trying to figure them all out.
Don’t get me wrong I am not one to judge on how one couple chooses to keep the flame going in their relationship. By all means if dating or a having other sexual relationships outside your current relationship tickles your fancy, MORE POWER TO YOU!!!! However, it just blows my mind that this is becoming more and more a trend in today’s culture. Granted in many other European cultures I’m pretty sure this subject matter would not be quite taboo as compared to the States. However, I still can’t wrap my mind around the concept of having more than one partner whether it be sexual, intellectual or even just emotional when it comes to having a relationship.
Loosely defined according to the ever popular urbandictionary.com, an open relationship is a relationship in which two people agree that they want to be together, but can't exactly promise that they won't see other people too. Basically, being able to have it all: a significant other and the freedom to hook up with other people. With that being the said, it wouldn’t be uncommon to see most college students or people in long distant relationships participating in such open relationships. Obviously when one is exposed to new surroundings and also new people it is easy to see how one may be more inclined to get a little more familiar with there oh so new atmosphere. Understandingly, leading these current couples left to explore these various options.
Technically speaking however, when you are dating someone whether it be monogamous or not, one is still able to seek other options. It is not as though they exchanged vows before God, friends and loved ones. On the contrary, they could still be looked at as “keeping their options open” for their Mr. or Mrs. Right! Once again let me reiterate, this is technically speaking. Let me just say, I am strong believer in having an exclusive and strictly monogamous relationship. I believe once you say you want to be with me, naturally I assume this means only me. But for the sake of argument, lets entertain the idea that having a open relationship is the new standard for a traditional relationship.
As writer Mimi Valdes from Men’s Health magazine said in a previous article relating to this specific topic, with about 50% of marriages ending in divorce, many reporting infidelity as the reason, some couples are challenging the boundaries of traditional relationships in order to keep the spark. With that being said, imagine the difference in this statistic if having an open relationship was allowed. Needless to say I think the percentage would definitely be lower, but what does this say about the stability of the relationship itself?
Think about it. A couple would have to have a complete open and honest conversation about their relationship making sure everything is being discussed and put out on the table. They would also have to create specific rules and boundaries in order to ensure their relationship would be successful and that neither parties get hurt in the process. And lastly, both individuals have to consider the various obstacles that may come with having such a relationship. For example, what happens if one partner begins to develop jealous tendencies towards their partner‘s other relationships? Let’s say as time went by one partner feels as though the other is stepping out of bounds in terms of the rules set by the couple. Would this be considered technically cheating or is this apart of the unspoken rules that comes with what is suppose to be open in the first place? Just the thought process of conceiving this idea sends my head for a loop, but it is a thought to consider nonetheless…
With famous couples like comedian Monique and her husband Sidney sparking much controversy over their open marriage, keeps the media and everyday people buzzing about this new phenomenal viewpoint. If you remember the comedian caught much flack from the public when she stated that having such a marriage is not considered a deal breaker in their marriage. Magazines, talk shows and entertainment networks couldn’t stop ranting and raving over how one could live such a lifestyle. And let’s not also forget the suspicion that still looms over whether the beautiful couple of Will and Jada are believed to have an open relationship as well.
The fact of the matter is every couple is different. What make work for some may never work for others. Who are we to judge what is right or wrong in a relationship. Only those within that couple are allowed to say what will and will not be tolerated when it comes to having an open relationship in the first place. As for me, I thoroughly enjoyed learning more about these types of relationships, but I thinks its safe to assume I won’t be crossing over anytime soon….
Like always stay blessed, beautiful and divinely favored!!!!!
Now many of you may ask what exactly does it mean to have an open relationship. Truth be told, I’m still trying to figure this out myself. You see, having an open relationship can be so drastically different when it comes to various couples. There are some that say they are exclusive to each other, but can have sexual encounters with other people. Then there are others that that say they are sexually exclusive to one another, but can have other relationships with those that can satisfy their emotional appetite. With so many different rules, models and even specific etiquette styles that comes with having such relationships, the average quote unquote “normal couple” can get confused just by trying to figure them all out.
Don’t get me wrong I am not one to judge on how one couple chooses to keep the flame going in their relationship. By all means if dating or a having other sexual relationships outside your current relationship tickles your fancy, MORE POWER TO YOU!!!! However, it just blows my mind that this is becoming more and more a trend in today’s culture. Granted in many other European cultures I’m pretty sure this subject matter would not be quite taboo as compared to the States. However, I still can’t wrap my mind around the concept of having more than one partner whether it be sexual, intellectual or even just emotional when it comes to having a relationship.
Loosely defined according to the ever popular urbandictionary.com, an open relationship is a relationship in which two people agree that they want to be together, but can't exactly promise that they won't see other people too. Basically, being able to have it all: a significant other and the freedom to hook up with other people. With that being the said, it wouldn’t be uncommon to see most college students or people in long distant relationships participating in such open relationships. Obviously when one is exposed to new surroundings and also new people it is easy to see how one may be more inclined to get a little more familiar with there oh so new atmosphere. Understandingly, leading these current couples left to explore these various options.
Technically speaking however, when you are dating someone whether it be monogamous or not, one is still able to seek other options. It is not as though they exchanged vows before God, friends and loved ones. On the contrary, they could still be looked at as “keeping their options open” for their Mr. or Mrs. Right! Once again let me reiterate, this is technically speaking. Let me just say, I am strong believer in having an exclusive and strictly monogamous relationship. I believe once you say you want to be with me, naturally I assume this means only me. But for the sake of argument, lets entertain the idea that having a open relationship is the new standard for a traditional relationship.
As writer Mimi Valdes from Men’s Health magazine said in a previous article relating to this specific topic, with about 50% of marriages ending in divorce, many reporting infidelity as the reason, some couples are challenging the boundaries of traditional relationships in order to keep the spark. With that being said, imagine the difference in this statistic if having an open relationship was allowed. Needless to say I think the percentage would definitely be lower, but what does this say about the stability of the relationship itself?
Think about it. A couple would have to have a complete open and honest conversation about their relationship making sure everything is being discussed and put out on the table. They would also have to create specific rules and boundaries in order to ensure their relationship would be successful and that neither parties get hurt in the process. And lastly, both individuals have to consider the various obstacles that may come with having such a relationship. For example, what happens if one partner begins to develop jealous tendencies towards their partner‘s other relationships? Let’s say as time went by one partner feels as though the other is stepping out of bounds in terms of the rules set by the couple. Would this be considered technically cheating or is this apart of the unspoken rules that comes with what is suppose to be open in the first place? Just the thought process of conceiving this idea sends my head for a loop, but it is a thought to consider nonetheless…
With famous couples like comedian Monique and her husband Sidney sparking much controversy over their open marriage, keeps the media and everyday people buzzing about this new phenomenal viewpoint. If you remember the comedian caught much flack from the public when she stated that having such a marriage is not considered a deal breaker in their marriage. Magazines, talk shows and entertainment networks couldn’t stop ranting and raving over how one could live such a lifestyle. And let’s not also forget the suspicion that still looms over whether the beautiful couple of Will and Jada are believed to have an open relationship as well.
The fact of the matter is every couple is different. What make work for some may never work for others. Who are we to judge what is right or wrong in a relationship. Only those within that couple are allowed to say what will and will not be tolerated when it comes to having an open relationship in the first place. As for me, I thoroughly enjoyed learning more about these types of relationships, but I thinks its safe to assume I won’t be crossing over anytime soon….
Like always stay blessed, beautiful and divinely favored!!!!!
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