The healing process can be such a tedious task. The withdrawing of emotions, tears, feelings and the other 50 million nostalgic entities can ultimately take up a life of their own leaving one with past memories and at times a broken heart. Ironically many people tend to forget that healing process is exactly what it is, a PROCESS!
I often find myself laughing at how many of us forget that everything comes in due time. This goes especially when healing is needed. Like always time can be your best friend and worst enemy. It can give the space to grieve, reflect and get over, but it also can force someone to actually deal with those emotions that they may not be ready to face. Time, it is the predictor that all good things can come to an end, but also can start a hopefully fabulous new chapter.
Depending on the reason that caused someone to embark on this journey could possibly determine how long the process may take. A loss of a loved one, relationship or even losing one’s self can take God knows how long. But it is the way we embrace this time that can help the healing process progress along or simply stay stagnate.
Now everybody has their own style and ways of dealing with this process. I normally like facing my battles head on. It is my way of saying “hey it maybe a bumpy ride, but it’s a ride I’m going to have to take”. This can include crying, venting to friends and family or in my case writing until I lose all feelings in my fingers :)! No matter the path taken exploring feelings and finding peace is the essential goal.
Let’s face it, feelings and emotions can bring out some scary things. And if your emotional journey gets a little too deep for you to handle, seek the help of professional guidance to help properly channel your thoughts. Merely hiding from the root of the problem only delays one’s healing and will eventually come back later in life only to haunt you again.
What is it that you are hiding from? If we are all striving for a “New Beginning” that doesn’t mean we forget about past worries that brought us here in the first place. My advice would be to allow whatever is holding you back to face it in due time and head on. The journey will be different for everyone, but hopefully peace of mind and breakthroughs will be the end result. And as the title suggests, let the healing begin…
Until next time, stay blessed, beautiful and divinely favored!
Friday, July 29, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
A New Beginning
Starting over sucks! Sorry for being so blunt, but in this case I‘m calling it like I see it. When one has to indeed "start over", it requires them to change the way they think and redirect their attention to a brand new perspective. Is this an easy task? Not by a long shot. But is it necessary? Simply stated, yes.
I'm currently going through this "new beginning" as we speak. Recently I've cut all my hair off, quit my job of three years and mutually decided to take a break from a long term relationship. Yes, I would think this definitely qualifies me as the summer’s poster child of what starting over looks like. Now let's be clear, am I happy about these changes? Surprisingly, the answer is yes, yet again.
You see right now I'm on a new journey. This would be the stepping out on faith journey. It involves leaning totally on the will of God to see me through. When I cut my hair off and decided to go natural, I wasn't trying to make a statement. Nor was I even trying to get back to my “African roots“. I was merely taking the chance of trying something new. When I quit my job in a recession stricken economy, I was taking a stand for myself in saying my education and self worth is more important than coming into a place where my time, talents and overall work ethic would not be respected or appreciated. (Needless to say this change was both liberating and scary at the same time.)
Lastly when realizing that the spark between me and my significant other has somewhat faded, this was me realizing that absence makes the heart grow fonder and if it‘s real love it will come back to me in due time. I have to admit, this change was a hard pill to swallow. It still remains to be a hard decision to accept, but necessary nonetheless. I know many of you are wondering, is this rant going anywhere? And once again the answer to this question is yes.
Recently, I found myself reaching an ah hah moment, an epiphany if you will. My question to everybody today, is why is it hard for us to take a leap of faith into the journey of the unknown? Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting that anybody follows my lead at the current moment. We all have a different path in our life that God has called each and every one of us to follow. However, by taking the time to realize that He is calling us to live a life that is more than exceptional, why are we so afraid of stepping out of the norm and actually striving to live out the dreams and goals God himself has predestined for us.
Think about it. How many of us today has played it safe for most of our lives? I have no problem raising my hand in this category. Better yet, how many people once took chances and lived life with no regrets, but because of age, circumstances and various experiences have hindered your perception so much that you're scared of stepping out of the safety net that currently surrounds you? I know, taking chances is never easy. It involves self reflection, forgiveness for yourself & others and most importantly it forces you to stand up to the person that's been holding you back all along, yourself.
Majority of us don’t realize we stand in our own way from obtaining pure happiness. It's true. We are willing to stay in so-so relationships, mediocre jobs and live in mundane rigid routines for the sake of being complacent instead of changing things up from time to time. Is it that we are scared to change because if we do things may actually go as we hoped for? Would we actually have to match our actions with the words we so boisterously proclaimed would and could happen one day? Just a by another show of hands how many of us would actually like to see our dreams come true? Hopefully, everyone who is reading this declaration for change has both of their hands raised at this point.
In all seriousness, I'm not trying to tell people that just quitting on their currently bleak situation is the best move. I am however, advocating that we take the time to really think about what's important or use to be important in our lives. Accepting a new beginning brings a fresh start and a clean slate to work with. It enables us to see things for what they really are and figure out what exactly needs to stay or go from our lives. Why live your life from the glass half empty perspective when it could be seen as half full. Life is honestly too short to not fully invest in the calling that the God has already set out for us.
Until next time stay blessed, beautiful and divinely favored!
I'm currently going through this "new beginning" as we speak. Recently I've cut all my hair off, quit my job of three years and mutually decided to take a break from a long term relationship. Yes, I would think this definitely qualifies me as the summer’s poster child of what starting over looks like. Now let's be clear, am I happy about these changes? Surprisingly, the answer is yes, yet again.
You see right now I'm on a new journey. This would be the stepping out on faith journey. It involves leaning totally on the will of God to see me through. When I cut my hair off and decided to go natural, I wasn't trying to make a statement. Nor was I even trying to get back to my “African roots“. I was merely taking the chance of trying something new. When I quit my job in a recession stricken economy, I was taking a stand for myself in saying my education and self worth is more important than coming into a place where my time, talents and overall work ethic would not be respected or appreciated. (Needless to say this change was both liberating and scary at the same time.)
Lastly when realizing that the spark between me and my significant other has somewhat faded, this was me realizing that absence makes the heart grow fonder and if it‘s real love it will come back to me in due time. I have to admit, this change was a hard pill to swallow. It still remains to be a hard decision to accept, but necessary nonetheless. I know many of you are wondering, is this rant going anywhere? And once again the answer to this question is yes.
Recently, I found myself reaching an ah hah moment, an epiphany if you will. My question to everybody today, is why is it hard for us to take a leap of faith into the journey of the unknown? Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting that anybody follows my lead at the current moment. We all have a different path in our life that God has called each and every one of us to follow. However, by taking the time to realize that He is calling us to live a life that is more than exceptional, why are we so afraid of stepping out of the norm and actually striving to live out the dreams and goals God himself has predestined for us.
Think about it. How many of us today has played it safe for most of our lives? I have no problem raising my hand in this category. Better yet, how many people once took chances and lived life with no regrets, but because of age, circumstances and various experiences have hindered your perception so much that you're scared of stepping out of the safety net that currently surrounds you? I know, taking chances is never easy. It involves self reflection, forgiveness for yourself & others and most importantly it forces you to stand up to the person that's been holding you back all along, yourself.
Majority of us don’t realize we stand in our own way from obtaining pure happiness. It's true. We are willing to stay in so-so relationships, mediocre jobs and live in mundane rigid routines for the sake of being complacent instead of changing things up from time to time. Is it that we are scared to change because if we do things may actually go as we hoped for? Would we actually have to match our actions with the words we so boisterously proclaimed would and could happen one day? Just a by another show of hands how many of us would actually like to see our dreams come true? Hopefully, everyone who is reading this declaration for change has both of their hands raised at this point.
In all seriousness, I'm not trying to tell people that just quitting on their currently bleak situation is the best move. I am however, advocating that we take the time to really think about what's important or use to be important in our lives. Accepting a new beginning brings a fresh start and a clean slate to work with. It enables us to see things for what they really are and figure out what exactly needs to stay or go from our lives. Why live your life from the glass half empty perspective when it could be seen as half full. Life is honestly too short to not fully invest in the calling that the God has already set out for us.
Until next time stay blessed, beautiful and divinely favored!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Age Ain't Nothing But A Number....
Age ain't nothing but a number / Throwing down ain't nothing but a thang / This lovin' I have for you / It'll never change…
Not to take you away from your walk down memory lane, but I think Aaliyah said it best with her classic hit, “Age Ain’t Nothin But A Number.” Today, women are taking this exact point of view when dating men outside of their age bracket. As a matter of fact, most surveys will show that many women in their mid-20s or early 30s prefer dating men who are considerably older. Now nothing is wrong with this concept by any means, but it does speak to the notion that younger men must be lacking some quality that their older male counterparts possess.
Let’s face it: It’s no secret that women mature faster then men. No offense gentlemen, but intellectually, women typically love to engage in more sophisticated conversations, go traveling and they have a better understanding of who they are and where they want to be in their lives at very young ages. While this is not to say that all young men do not possess these same qualities, the vast majority of them, in my opinion, do not. And although during our 20s, and sometimes early 30s, we all go through the ever so popular mind numbing period of trying to “find ourselves,” it can be quite frustrating at times to be in a relationship with someone going through this same struggle. Sometimes you just may want to be with someone that has already made it so that they can somewhat help guide you and find your niche in the world. And having this trait often helps give older men the upper hand when trying to capture a relationship with a younger woman.
Looking at the qualities alone, let’s compare the differences between what older men and younger men bring to the table when it comes to entering a relationship:
1. Better Conversation. Having more experience in life can be a turn on for women. Discussing topics from politics to everyday life brings a certain intellectual fulfillment to the female mind.
2. Financial Stability. (In my Kanye voice) Now I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger, but she a messing with no broke—I think you know the rest! This is another major factor that makes dating an older man appealing. What girl doesn’t like to be wined and dined sometimes? By dating older men, younger women may get the chance to see the world from a new point of view without putting a major dent in her personal funds. Not to mention, the older gentleman she is dating more likely has his own place, is secure in a reliable job/career and hopefully has no one to answer to but himself.
3. Secure in their Manhood. You know when they say that once you’ve reached a certain age, the light bulb above your head finally lights up? This is supposed to mean that a fair amount of clarity should be found in a person’s life once they’re aged a little. I think this would be the case for many men past their prime. Being secure in one’s manhood can mean that you are content with the plan and purpose for your life. You no longer feel the competition with peers or society. You are solely focused on being a better man, a good provider and devoted lover to your partner.
4. More Experience can lead to Enhanced Intimacy. Not trying to be overly provocative, but having an older partner with a bit more experience in knowing how to lovingly caress, gently hold or simply whisk a woman off her feet can be beneficial. A good sense of intimacy is one aspect that only gets better with age.
5. Higher Levels of Patience. Typically speaking, as we get older, our level of patience tends to increase as time passes. The usual arguments, pettiness and all out immature ways seem to be on the decline when entering a romantic relationship. One would assume by possessing this kind of relationship, communication amongst both partners is open and no conversation is off limits. Even when disagreements may come into the picture, having a great amount of patience and respect for one another can help each partner sometimes agree to disagree and move on to their next venture together.
Yes, having an older partner definitely comes with some great benefits. In many ways, it allows the young woman to be strong and independent, yet vulnerable at the same time. And even though we take great pleasure in providing and taking care of ourselves, it is reassuring to know that one could rely on her partner from time to time if she very well needed to do so. It’s like having a really good bottle of wine—it always gets better with time.
Now sure, the grass may not be greener on the other side. It could very well be the case that an older partner may be worse than dating a younger man. I’m sure we all know a few older men who still have the mindset of a 2-year-old and are waiting for young successful women like ourselves to take care of them versus the other way around.
Another downside is that sometimes having more experience than their younger partner can also come across as being possessive or condescending. Seeing how an older partner may have a broader point of view of the world, he may try to diminish his younger counterpart’s ambitions and dreams. Not to mention, this could be especially frustrating if the older gentleman is not where they "should" be in terms of development, career and economic status.
But remember we are speaking from the general point of view. When it comes down to it, age really ain’t nothing but a number. Acting one’s age versus his shoe size–once again referencing musical quotes–could in fact lead to an even more frustrating experience in itself. But when entering any relationship, a woman should always be on her P’s and Q’s, always reading in between the lines. What a man is really bringing to the table, regardless of age, is always the number one question.
Until the next time stay blessed, beautiful and divinely favored!
Not to take you away from your walk down memory lane, but I think Aaliyah said it best with her classic hit, “Age Ain’t Nothin But A Number.” Today, women are taking this exact point of view when dating men outside of their age bracket. As a matter of fact, most surveys will show that many women in their mid-20s or early 30s prefer dating men who are considerably older. Now nothing is wrong with this concept by any means, but it does speak to the notion that younger men must be lacking some quality that their older male counterparts possess.
Let’s face it: It’s no secret that women mature faster then men. No offense gentlemen, but intellectually, women typically love to engage in more sophisticated conversations, go traveling and they have a better understanding of who they are and where they want to be in their lives at very young ages. While this is not to say that all young men do not possess these same qualities, the vast majority of them, in my opinion, do not. And although during our 20s, and sometimes early 30s, we all go through the ever so popular mind numbing period of trying to “find ourselves,” it can be quite frustrating at times to be in a relationship with someone going through this same struggle. Sometimes you just may want to be with someone that has already made it so that they can somewhat help guide you and find your niche in the world. And having this trait often helps give older men the upper hand when trying to capture a relationship with a younger woman.
Looking at the qualities alone, let’s compare the differences between what older men and younger men bring to the table when it comes to entering a relationship:
1. Better Conversation. Having more experience in life can be a turn on for women. Discussing topics from politics to everyday life brings a certain intellectual fulfillment to the female mind.
2. Financial Stability. (In my Kanye voice) Now I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger, but she a messing with no broke—I think you know the rest! This is another major factor that makes dating an older man appealing. What girl doesn’t like to be wined and dined sometimes? By dating older men, younger women may get the chance to see the world from a new point of view without putting a major dent in her personal funds. Not to mention, the older gentleman she is dating more likely has his own place, is secure in a reliable job/career and hopefully has no one to answer to but himself.
3. Secure in their Manhood. You know when they say that once you’ve reached a certain age, the light bulb above your head finally lights up? This is supposed to mean that a fair amount of clarity should be found in a person’s life once they’re aged a little. I think this would be the case for many men past their prime. Being secure in one’s manhood can mean that you are content with the plan and purpose for your life. You no longer feel the competition with peers or society. You are solely focused on being a better man, a good provider and devoted lover to your partner.
4. More Experience can lead to Enhanced Intimacy. Not trying to be overly provocative, but having an older partner with a bit more experience in knowing how to lovingly caress, gently hold or simply whisk a woman off her feet can be beneficial. A good sense of intimacy is one aspect that only gets better with age.
5. Higher Levels of Patience. Typically speaking, as we get older, our level of patience tends to increase as time passes. The usual arguments, pettiness and all out immature ways seem to be on the decline when entering a romantic relationship. One would assume by possessing this kind of relationship, communication amongst both partners is open and no conversation is off limits. Even when disagreements may come into the picture, having a great amount of patience and respect for one another can help each partner sometimes agree to disagree and move on to their next venture together.
Yes, having an older partner definitely comes with some great benefits. In many ways, it allows the young woman to be strong and independent, yet vulnerable at the same time. And even though we take great pleasure in providing and taking care of ourselves, it is reassuring to know that one could rely on her partner from time to time if she very well needed to do so. It’s like having a really good bottle of wine—it always gets better with time.
Now sure, the grass may not be greener on the other side. It could very well be the case that an older partner may be worse than dating a younger man. I’m sure we all know a few older men who still have the mindset of a 2-year-old and are waiting for young successful women like ourselves to take care of them versus the other way around.
Another downside is that sometimes having more experience than their younger partner can also come across as being possessive or condescending. Seeing how an older partner may have a broader point of view of the world, he may try to diminish his younger counterpart’s ambitions and dreams. Not to mention, this could be especially frustrating if the older gentleman is not where they "should" be in terms of development, career and economic status.
But remember we are speaking from the general point of view. When it comes down to it, age really ain’t nothing but a number. Acting one’s age versus his shoe size–once again referencing musical quotes–could in fact lead to an even more frustrating experience in itself. But when entering any relationship, a woman should always be on her P’s and Q’s, always reading in between the lines. What a man is really bringing to the table, regardless of age, is always the number one question.
Until the next time stay blessed, beautiful and divinely favored!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Shacking Up: Everythang Ain’t for Everybody
I have never been one to judge another couple’s relationship. Like most people, I try to operate my life in whatever makes the most sense for me and my lifestyle. Like the old saying goes, “Everythang ain’t for everybody.” And while this popular saying can be attached to numerous topics surrounding those in relationships, I feel that for those that choose to quote unquote “shack up” would have to agree that this would be the perfect comeback for naysayer’s that frown upon this notion.
Granted, many people nowadays are moving in with one another for all the wrong reasons. Some, women in particular, use this method to test their partner’s loyalty to the relationship. When this is the case, many are desperately hoping that this could lead to a possible marriage proposal seeing the house, the children and of course the little dog making the entire picture complete. Sorry to say, but even if you partner does agree to move in with you, there’s a 50 percent chance that things will either work to your favor or quite possibly prolong the marriage process.
Others may move in because financially it makes the most sense. In this economy, recession love is becoming quite popular during these trying times. Everybody is trying to find ways to save money and cut corners. Finding that special someone who you somewhat care for and can split the rent with sounds really good in theory, but often times can lead to drastic outcomes that only gets harder if the relationship goes for the worst. Call me old-fashioned, but I’m the type of girl who would rather move in with my beau for the idea that we are truly in love and are ready to take our relationship to the next level, not out of financial convenience.
With all that being said, the question still remains: Is shaking up before marriage still relevant in today’s forever evolving society? Research show, that those who choose to cohabitate before marriage are likely to end their marriage in divorce. Additionally, it undeniably goes against the very teachings that many of our parents and religion have instilled in us at young ages. I can clearly see my grandmother shaking her head at the utter thought of her grandchild living with her significant other before at least getting a ring on the finger. But hey, that was the sign of the times back then.
But if you really think about it, many couples during our parents and our parents’ parents time grew up in a completely different world. Women weren’t looked at as equal to their male counterparts. As a matter of fact, depending on your culture and/or religious beliefs, the idea of living together or getting divorced would be considered the ultimate sin in God’s eyes. Another example would be the male was considered to not only be the bread winner but also head of the household. Whatever he said took priority, leaving his significant other’s opinion a nonexistent component to the decision making process. Taking this into account, I could see why the number of divorce rates amongst older couples today would be in lower numbers. For many of them, it simply was not an option. Luckily in today’s world, we have grown into a society that believes in taking advantage of all the options afforded to us without any regrets or shame.
When it comes to living with your partner before you get married, I have to agree that testing out the goods or “playing house”- as my mother would call it - can definitely be a lifesaver for many relationships. I know we all think our partners are just perfect and wonderful people who could do no wrong. But guess what? When you go to sleep every night and wake up every morning with the same individual in the same space, whether it be a new or long-term relationship, you are opening up Pandora’s box to that person’s true lifestyle. This can include seeing their horrific cleaning habits, finding numerous toe nail clippings throughout all parts of the house, smelling the wonderful aroma of their undergarments just missing the dirty clothes hamper, and of course, seeing the sky high pile of dishes stacked up in the sink for over two weeks… Not the picture perfect fantasy you imagine, huh? But these are the realities that come with the territory.
Although research and those from older generations attempt to discourage the idea of shacking up, truth be told, living with your partner prior to marriage is not the single factor that involves couples breaking up. As a matter of fact, in the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth, research found that among men married for 10 years, 71 percent of the non-cohabiters were still married, while only 69 percent of the cohabiters were as well - a difference of only 2 percent, which leads anyone to believe that there could be hundreds of reasons why their relationship did not work in the first place.
It’s also funny to me that people do not take into consideration that many couple’s have no desire whatsoever to get married in the first place. Unlike traditional relationship norms, many couple’s are perfectly content on living their lives together without having a piece paper to prove their love and devotion to one another. What then can those who oppose this say about such unions. Are they still placed under the category as “shackers” if they consciously chose to spend their lives together without sealing the deal before God, close friends and family members?
The fact of the matter is when two people decide they want to move their relationship to the next level, both parties have to be on the same page. When both are clear about their expectations, wants and needs within their relationship, everything else should be able to fall into place. Let’s not forget that compromise is essential when the two lifestyles are being merged into one living space. It is not fair that one partner should have to sacrifice and change their entire routine without the other being willing to do the same.
All in all, as time goes on, each partner would get a clear picture of where their future could potentially lead. It is during this time period where tough decisions are made. Either both partners compromise and live their lives happily ever after, or they realize that sharing a life together may not be the best decision for the two of them. As always, communication is key to any successful relationship. And without being completely honest with each other, deciding to “shack up” could lead to a hard road ahead.
Like always stay blessed, beautiful and divinely favored!!!!!
Granted, many people nowadays are moving in with one another for all the wrong reasons. Some, women in particular, use this method to test their partner’s loyalty to the relationship. When this is the case, many are desperately hoping that this could lead to a possible marriage proposal seeing the house, the children and of course the little dog making the entire picture complete. Sorry to say, but even if you partner does agree to move in with you, there’s a 50 percent chance that things will either work to your favor or quite possibly prolong the marriage process.
Others may move in because financially it makes the most sense. In this economy, recession love is becoming quite popular during these trying times. Everybody is trying to find ways to save money and cut corners. Finding that special someone who you somewhat care for and can split the rent with sounds really good in theory, but often times can lead to drastic outcomes that only gets harder if the relationship goes for the worst. Call me old-fashioned, but I’m the type of girl who would rather move in with my beau for the idea that we are truly in love and are ready to take our relationship to the next level, not out of financial convenience.
With all that being said, the question still remains: Is shaking up before marriage still relevant in today’s forever evolving society? Research show, that those who choose to cohabitate before marriage are likely to end their marriage in divorce. Additionally, it undeniably goes against the very teachings that many of our parents and religion have instilled in us at young ages. I can clearly see my grandmother shaking her head at the utter thought of her grandchild living with her significant other before at least getting a ring on the finger. But hey, that was the sign of the times back then.
But if you really think about it, many couples during our parents and our parents’ parents time grew up in a completely different world. Women weren’t looked at as equal to their male counterparts. As a matter of fact, depending on your culture and/or religious beliefs, the idea of living together or getting divorced would be considered the ultimate sin in God’s eyes. Another example would be the male was considered to not only be the bread winner but also head of the household. Whatever he said took priority, leaving his significant other’s opinion a nonexistent component to the decision making process. Taking this into account, I could see why the number of divorce rates amongst older couples today would be in lower numbers. For many of them, it simply was not an option. Luckily in today’s world, we have grown into a society that believes in taking advantage of all the options afforded to us without any regrets or shame.
When it comes to living with your partner before you get married, I have to agree that testing out the goods or “playing house”- as my mother would call it - can definitely be a lifesaver for many relationships. I know we all think our partners are just perfect and wonderful people who could do no wrong. But guess what? When you go to sleep every night and wake up every morning with the same individual in the same space, whether it be a new or long-term relationship, you are opening up Pandora’s box to that person’s true lifestyle. This can include seeing their horrific cleaning habits, finding numerous toe nail clippings throughout all parts of the house, smelling the wonderful aroma of their undergarments just missing the dirty clothes hamper, and of course, seeing the sky high pile of dishes stacked up in the sink for over two weeks… Not the picture perfect fantasy you imagine, huh? But these are the realities that come with the territory.
Although research and those from older generations attempt to discourage the idea of shacking up, truth be told, living with your partner prior to marriage is not the single factor that involves couples breaking up. As a matter of fact, in the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth, research found that among men married for 10 years, 71 percent of the non-cohabiters were still married, while only 69 percent of the cohabiters were as well - a difference of only 2 percent, which leads anyone to believe that there could be hundreds of reasons why their relationship did not work in the first place.
It’s also funny to me that people do not take into consideration that many couple’s have no desire whatsoever to get married in the first place. Unlike traditional relationship norms, many couple’s are perfectly content on living their lives together without having a piece paper to prove their love and devotion to one another. What then can those who oppose this say about such unions. Are they still placed under the category as “shackers” if they consciously chose to spend their lives together without sealing the deal before God, close friends and family members?
The fact of the matter is when two people decide they want to move their relationship to the next level, both parties have to be on the same page. When both are clear about their expectations, wants and needs within their relationship, everything else should be able to fall into place. Let’s not forget that compromise is essential when the two lifestyles are being merged into one living space. It is not fair that one partner should have to sacrifice and change their entire routine without the other being willing to do the same.
All in all, as time goes on, each partner would get a clear picture of where their future could potentially lead. It is during this time period where tough decisions are made. Either both partners compromise and live their lives happily ever after, or they realize that sharing a life together may not be the best decision for the two of them. As always, communication is key to any successful relationship. And without being completely honest with each other, deciding to “shack up” could lead to a hard road ahead.
Like always stay blessed, beautiful and divinely favored!!!!!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
What Category Does Your “Friends” Fall Under????
So after watching this T.D. Jakes clip I began to wonder how we as individuals choose our friends. Even though I feel some people use the word “friend” a little too loosely for my taste, I found myself agreeing with every word the good reverend had to say. For those of you who haven't had the chance to review this clip yet, here’s some cliff notes to help you get the gist of his message.
Basically he broke down the three different types of people in our lives. We have the confidants, the constitutes and the comrades. Now each person has their own title along with their own definition to compliment. A confidant is usually rare and hard to come by. You share with them your inner most feelings, dreams, secrets and ambitions. Literally, no conversation is considered hold bars. They’re also the ones who knows the true you and are not afraid to call you out when it seems as though you are acting out of character. Yes, these are the ones God brings specifically in our lives to last not a season, but a lifetime.
Next we have the constitutes. These are the people you have to watch your back from. These people, like Jakes explains, are the type of people who are not invested into you, but rather what you stand for. (Meaning, the representation you present to the rest of the world versus the true character you possess.) These sneaky yet clever individuals are what we call today haters. They will smile in your face while all along conspire ways to steal the very gifts and or/visions that set you apart from everyone else. You remember from the last post, your “IT Factor“, your “Special Thing” only you can do best! With these type of people around we can only consider them bandwagon groupies. Because when the next best thing comes in town best believe they will be out of you life in a quick second and as Jay-Z likes to put it "on to the next........…”
Then lastly we have the comrades. These people are neither for or against you. They are simply in your life for a designated time to help you fulfill a purpose or plan. They could care less about what or who you stand for and their sole purpose in your life is to fight a bigger obstacle together only then proceeding with both of you guys regularly scheduled program. Needless to say this relationship is obviously seasonal that may or may not come with pleasant encounters. But nevertheless, you should appreciate them for what they are and bare no hurt feelings towards their ways.
So naturally, I let my inquisitive mind wonder and began contemplating over this topic. After I started pondering, I began to question if we as individuals could identify these types of people in our own lives. Can you tell the difference between the friend who is genuinely a confidant cheering you on and honestly wanting the best for your life. Or are you stuck on the constitutes who merely despise you behind the scenes and could quite frankly steal your special talent and perpetrate it as if it is their own.... Maybe you are safely relying on associates such as the comrades who are simply coexisting with you because they have to and not because they want to.
Either way each individual is vital to the long term journey that God has laid out for us. You cannot make it in this world without experiencing one, if not all, of these type of relationships! They serve a larger purpose in the long run. If you didn't have your confidant you wouldn't have an outlet to share your deepest and most sincere thoughts with. And as far as your constitutes go, like my girl Kandi from Real Housewives of Atlanta would say "let your haters be your motivators!!!!" Use them to your advantage just like they are attempting to use you. That way you can use them as ego boosters to help you stay sassy and confident while moving through the turmoil and triumphs that they maybe creating in your life. As for the comrades, realize what this kind of relationship is and take it for what it’s truly worth. This saves you much time and heartache when they make a grand exist out of your life. They were seasonal and you'll have plenty more encounters like that for years to come.
The fact of the matter is, you have to be leery of those you choose to share your dreams and/or life with. God has given us the gift of discernment, however I feel most of us lack the time or energy to fully excise it. When you do, it not only saves you a lot of time, but it also teaches you to be patient and recognize each type of person that comes into your life. When you are able to recognize them you are more equipped to act accordingly.
Basically he broke down the three different types of people in our lives. We have the confidants, the constitutes and the comrades. Now each person has their own title along with their own definition to compliment. A confidant is usually rare and hard to come by. You share with them your inner most feelings, dreams, secrets and ambitions. Literally, no conversation is considered hold bars. They’re also the ones who knows the true you and are not afraid to call you out when it seems as though you are acting out of character. Yes, these are the ones God brings specifically in our lives to last not a season, but a lifetime.
Next we have the constitutes. These are the people you have to watch your back from. These people, like Jakes explains, are the type of people who are not invested into you, but rather what you stand for. (Meaning, the representation you present to the rest of the world versus the true character you possess.) These sneaky yet clever individuals are what we call today haters. They will smile in your face while all along conspire ways to steal the very gifts and or/visions that set you apart from everyone else. You remember from the last post, your “IT Factor“, your “Special Thing” only you can do best! With these type of people around we can only consider them bandwagon groupies. Because when the next best thing comes in town best believe they will be out of you life in a quick second and as Jay-Z likes to put it "on to the next........…”
Then lastly we have the comrades. These people are neither for or against you. They are simply in your life for a designated time to help you fulfill a purpose or plan. They could care less about what or who you stand for and their sole purpose in your life is to fight a bigger obstacle together only then proceeding with both of you guys regularly scheduled program. Needless to say this relationship is obviously seasonal that may or may not come with pleasant encounters. But nevertheless, you should appreciate them for what they are and bare no hurt feelings towards their ways.
So naturally, I let my inquisitive mind wonder and began contemplating over this topic. After I started pondering, I began to question if we as individuals could identify these types of people in our own lives. Can you tell the difference between the friend who is genuinely a confidant cheering you on and honestly wanting the best for your life. Or are you stuck on the constitutes who merely despise you behind the scenes and could quite frankly steal your special talent and perpetrate it as if it is their own.... Maybe you are safely relying on associates such as the comrades who are simply coexisting with you because they have to and not because they want to.
Either way each individual is vital to the long term journey that God has laid out for us. You cannot make it in this world without experiencing one, if not all, of these type of relationships! They serve a larger purpose in the long run. If you didn't have your confidant you wouldn't have an outlet to share your deepest and most sincere thoughts with. And as far as your constitutes go, like my girl Kandi from Real Housewives of Atlanta would say "let your haters be your motivators!!!!" Use them to your advantage just like they are attempting to use you. That way you can use them as ego boosters to help you stay sassy and confident while moving through the turmoil and triumphs that they maybe creating in your life. As for the comrades, realize what this kind of relationship is and take it for what it’s truly worth. This saves you much time and heartache when they make a grand exist out of your life. They were seasonal and you'll have plenty more encounters like that for years to come.
The fact of the matter is, you have to be leery of those you choose to share your dreams and/or life with. God has given us the gift of discernment, however I feel most of us lack the time or energy to fully excise it. When you do, it not only saves you a lot of time, but it also teaches you to be patient and recognize each type of person that comes into your life. When you are able to recognize them you are more equipped to act accordingly.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Are You Wasting Your Talents?
I was recently told that I shouldn’t let my talents go to waste. Yeah, I guess this is true. The fact of the matter is, many of us let the precious gifts that God gives us go to waste on a continual basis. It’s as though we are directly spitting in the face of God rejecting the very gifts that makes us special and set apart from everyone else in the first place. Harsh? Maybe. But it’s true nonetheless.
What are you called to do that you know no one else on this earth can do better than you? For me, I was given the wonderful gift of gab and being able to write. Aaaaahhhhh, I can already sense the eye rolls and blank stares many of you are giving me as we speak. Some of you are thinking, great you don’t know how to shut up and you can put words together in a sentence, GOOD FOR YOU (uninterested voice) :-/ !!! But even with your sarcastic wit, trust it is not as easy as it sounds…
For one, when I speak and/or write I do it to relieve much unwanted stress and tension from my life. Two, I do it in an effort to inspire others. And three, I write until I completely get my point across. Hell, have the time I’d rather write someone a letter rather then talk to them face to face. It definitely comes in handy if lets say I had to deal with a nasty breakup, quitting a job or even cleverly telling someone off leaving them demystified as to whether they should be flattered or insulted lol. Terrible I know, but still funny to say the least!!!
Yes, having a big vocabulary and knack for putting words together has gotten me through much boring school assignments and even getting my first internship at the Chicago Tribune. It’s my thing, my mojo, it’s what God gave me in order to serve His purpose and NOT my own. And hopefully His purpose could have me becoming the next Oprah Winfrey, smiling on the cover of Essence magazine, enjoying my family and riches laying on the Virgin Islands with a handsome pool boy named Winston serving me Pink Moscato to my heart’s content :-) (I‘m just saying lol)!!!
Either way I challenge you to think about what is your special talent? Really think long and hard about it. Everyone has something that’s special from the rest of their peers. What could you do with your time that would fill a certain void in your heart or even inspire someone else to do the same? If it’s singing, sing! If its dancing, dance! If its helping others, by all means help! Lord knows we all should be doing more of that last one anyway! But no matter what you do make sure you give it your all, not wasting any of it even in the slightest measure. It’s what makes you, you :-) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Like always stay blessed, beautiful and divinely favored!
What are you called to do that you know no one else on this earth can do better than you? For me, I was given the wonderful gift of gab and being able to write. Aaaaahhhhh, I can already sense the eye rolls and blank stares many of you are giving me as we speak. Some of you are thinking, great you don’t know how to shut up and you can put words together in a sentence, GOOD FOR YOU (uninterested voice) :-/ !!! But even with your sarcastic wit, trust it is not as easy as it sounds…
For one, when I speak and/or write I do it to relieve much unwanted stress and tension from my life. Two, I do it in an effort to inspire others. And three, I write until I completely get my point across. Hell, have the time I’d rather write someone a letter rather then talk to them face to face. It definitely comes in handy if lets say I had to deal with a nasty breakup, quitting a job or even cleverly telling someone off leaving them demystified as to whether they should be flattered or insulted lol. Terrible I know, but still funny to say the least!!!
Yes, having a big vocabulary and knack for putting words together has gotten me through much boring school assignments and even getting my first internship at the Chicago Tribune. It’s my thing, my mojo, it’s what God gave me in order to serve His purpose and NOT my own. And hopefully His purpose could have me becoming the next Oprah Winfrey, smiling on the cover of Essence magazine, enjoying my family and riches laying on the Virgin Islands with a handsome pool boy named Winston serving me Pink Moscato to my heart’s content :-) (I‘m just saying lol)!!!
Either way I challenge you to think about what is your special talent? Really think long and hard about it. Everyone has something that’s special from the rest of their peers. What could you do with your time that would fill a certain void in your heart or even inspire someone else to do the same? If it’s singing, sing! If its dancing, dance! If its helping others, by all means help! Lord knows we all should be doing more of that last one anyway! But no matter what you do make sure you give it your all, not wasting any of it even in the slightest measure. It’s what makes you, you :-) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Like always stay blessed, beautiful and divinely favored!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Can You Handle an Open Relationship?
In this forever changing society we live in today, the lines have become quite murky in terms of what a traditional relationship should look like. We have the couple that goes through their just dating phase. Then we have the couple that finally takes their relationship to the next level and made their relationship exclusive to just one another. But now in this new day and age, we have the couple that has decided to change the rules of engagement all together and make their relationship an open one.
Now many of you may ask what exactly does it mean to have an open relationship. Truth be told, I’m still trying to figure this out myself. You see, having an open relationship can be so drastically different when it comes to various couples. There are some that say they are exclusive to each other, but can have sexual encounters with other people. Then there are others that that say they are sexually exclusive to one another, but can have other relationships with those that can satisfy their emotional appetite. With so many different rules, models and even specific etiquette styles that comes with having such relationships, the average quote unquote “normal couple” can get confused just by trying to figure them all out.
Don’t get me wrong I am not one to judge on how one couple chooses to keep the flame going in their relationship. By all means if dating or a having other sexual relationships outside your current relationship tickles your fancy, MORE POWER TO YOU!!!! However, it just blows my mind that this is becoming more and more a trend in today’s culture. Granted in many other European cultures I’m pretty sure this subject matter would not be quite taboo as compared to the States. However, I still can’t wrap my mind around the concept of having more than one partner whether it be sexual, intellectual or even just emotional when it comes to having a relationship.
Loosely defined according to the ever popular urbandictionary.com, an open relationship is a relationship in which two people agree that they want to be together, but can't exactly promise that they won't see other people too. Basically, being able to have it all: a significant other and the freedom to hook up with other people. With that being the said, it wouldn’t be uncommon to see most college students or people in long distant relationships participating in such open relationships. Obviously when one is exposed to new surroundings and also new people it is easy to see how one may be more inclined to get a little more familiar with there oh so new atmosphere. Understandingly, leading these current couples left to explore these various options.
Technically speaking however, when you are dating someone whether it be monogamous or not, one is still able to seek other options. It is not as though they exchanged vows before God, friends and loved ones. On the contrary, they could still be looked at as “keeping their options open” for their Mr. or Mrs. Right! Once again let me reiterate, this is technically speaking. Let me just say, I am strong believer in having an exclusive and strictly monogamous relationship. I believe once you say you want to be with me, naturally I assume this means only me. But for the sake of argument, lets entertain the idea that having a open relationship is the new standard for a traditional relationship.
As writer Mimi Valdes from Men’s Health magazine said in a previous article relating to this specific topic, with about 50% of marriages ending in divorce, many reporting infidelity as the reason, some couples are challenging the boundaries of traditional relationships in order to keep the spark. With that being said, imagine the difference in this statistic if having an open relationship was allowed. Needless to say I think the percentage would definitely be lower, but what does this say about the stability of the relationship itself?
Think about it. A couple would have to have a complete open and honest conversation about their relationship making sure everything is being discussed and put out on the table. They would also have to create specific rules and boundaries in order to ensure their relationship would be successful and that neither parties get hurt in the process. And lastly, both individuals have to consider the various obstacles that may come with having such a relationship. For example, what happens if one partner begins to develop jealous tendencies towards their partner‘s other relationships? Let’s say as time went by one partner feels as though the other is stepping out of bounds in terms of the rules set by the couple. Would this be considered technically cheating or is this apart of the unspoken rules that comes with what is suppose to be open in the first place? Just the thought process of conceiving this idea sends my head for a loop, but it is a thought to consider nonetheless…
With famous couples like comedian Monique and her husband Sidney sparking much controversy over their open marriage, keeps the media and everyday people buzzing about this new phenomenal viewpoint. If you remember the comedian caught much flack from the public when she stated that having such a marriage is not considered a deal breaker in their marriage. Magazines, talk shows and entertainment networks couldn’t stop ranting and raving over how one could live such a lifestyle. And let’s not also forget the suspicion that still looms over whether the beautiful couple of Will and Jada are believed to have an open relationship as well.
The fact of the matter is every couple is different. What make work for some may never work for others. Who are we to judge what is right or wrong in a relationship. Only those within that couple are allowed to say what will and will not be tolerated when it comes to having an open relationship in the first place. As for me, I thoroughly enjoyed learning more about these types of relationships, but I thinks its safe to assume I won’t be crossing over anytime soon….
Like always stay blessed, beautiful and divinely favored!!!!!
Now many of you may ask what exactly does it mean to have an open relationship. Truth be told, I’m still trying to figure this out myself. You see, having an open relationship can be so drastically different when it comes to various couples. There are some that say they are exclusive to each other, but can have sexual encounters with other people. Then there are others that that say they are sexually exclusive to one another, but can have other relationships with those that can satisfy their emotional appetite. With so many different rules, models and even specific etiquette styles that comes with having such relationships, the average quote unquote “normal couple” can get confused just by trying to figure them all out.
Don’t get me wrong I am not one to judge on how one couple chooses to keep the flame going in their relationship. By all means if dating or a having other sexual relationships outside your current relationship tickles your fancy, MORE POWER TO YOU!!!! However, it just blows my mind that this is becoming more and more a trend in today’s culture. Granted in many other European cultures I’m pretty sure this subject matter would not be quite taboo as compared to the States. However, I still can’t wrap my mind around the concept of having more than one partner whether it be sexual, intellectual or even just emotional when it comes to having a relationship.
Loosely defined according to the ever popular urbandictionary.com, an open relationship is a relationship in which two people agree that they want to be together, but can't exactly promise that they won't see other people too. Basically, being able to have it all: a significant other and the freedom to hook up with other people. With that being the said, it wouldn’t be uncommon to see most college students or people in long distant relationships participating in such open relationships. Obviously when one is exposed to new surroundings and also new people it is easy to see how one may be more inclined to get a little more familiar with there oh so new atmosphere. Understandingly, leading these current couples left to explore these various options.
Technically speaking however, when you are dating someone whether it be monogamous or not, one is still able to seek other options. It is not as though they exchanged vows before God, friends and loved ones. On the contrary, they could still be looked at as “keeping their options open” for their Mr. or Mrs. Right! Once again let me reiterate, this is technically speaking. Let me just say, I am strong believer in having an exclusive and strictly monogamous relationship. I believe once you say you want to be with me, naturally I assume this means only me. But for the sake of argument, lets entertain the idea that having a open relationship is the new standard for a traditional relationship.
As writer Mimi Valdes from Men’s Health magazine said in a previous article relating to this specific topic, with about 50% of marriages ending in divorce, many reporting infidelity as the reason, some couples are challenging the boundaries of traditional relationships in order to keep the spark. With that being said, imagine the difference in this statistic if having an open relationship was allowed. Needless to say I think the percentage would definitely be lower, but what does this say about the stability of the relationship itself?
Think about it. A couple would have to have a complete open and honest conversation about their relationship making sure everything is being discussed and put out on the table. They would also have to create specific rules and boundaries in order to ensure their relationship would be successful and that neither parties get hurt in the process. And lastly, both individuals have to consider the various obstacles that may come with having such a relationship. For example, what happens if one partner begins to develop jealous tendencies towards their partner‘s other relationships? Let’s say as time went by one partner feels as though the other is stepping out of bounds in terms of the rules set by the couple. Would this be considered technically cheating or is this apart of the unspoken rules that comes with what is suppose to be open in the first place? Just the thought process of conceiving this idea sends my head for a loop, but it is a thought to consider nonetheless…
With famous couples like comedian Monique and her husband Sidney sparking much controversy over their open marriage, keeps the media and everyday people buzzing about this new phenomenal viewpoint. If you remember the comedian caught much flack from the public when she stated that having such a marriage is not considered a deal breaker in their marriage. Magazines, talk shows and entertainment networks couldn’t stop ranting and raving over how one could live such a lifestyle. And let’s not also forget the suspicion that still looms over whether the beautiful couple of Will and Jada are believed to have an open relationship as well.
The fact of the matter is every couple is different. What make work for some may never work for others. Who are we to judge what is right or wrong in a relationship. Only those within that couple are allowed to say what will and will not be tolerated when it comes to having an open relationship in the first place. As for me, I thoroughly enjoyed learning more about these types of relationships, but I thinks its safe to assume I won’t be crossing over anytime soon….
Like always stay blessed, beautiful and divinely favored!!!!!
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